The Moon, The Stars and All the Planets

"I felt like the moon, the stars and all the planets had fallen on me."   

~Harry S. Truman on FDR's passing

The results of our SA have knocked the celestial bodies from the sky, and they lay scattered at my feet, damp with my tears.  

The lab thought our sample was a post-vasectomy analysis.  At first they found no sperm.  What they finally found was scarce and sluggish.  (I think that's when the moon fell.)

The doctor started on a positive note - His son's first SA was similar, but a follow up SA was fine; he now has 2 children.  Normal sperm count is @42million, for pregnancy you need @30million, at @15million treatment can be effective.  We're at 3million.  

He mentioned the possibility of trying Clomid, a drug to help ovulation, but can be used 'off book' to treat sperm problems.  It can be successful if the patient has 15million; we could try it after a second SA, but he didn't want to get our hopes up.  (The stars started sprinkling down.)

He suggested a second SA in 2-3 weeks.  And told us we might want to start thinking about donor sperm or adoption.  (The planets fell from their orbits and crashed around us.)

During the consult, a chipper nurse interrupted to get change for a $20.  We've just been sucker-punched, and you need change for a $20??   When we left, the same stupid nurse cheerfully called after us that she'd send the results to my GYN.  Apparently she couldn't see our stricken faces.  (Didn't notice the cosmic wreckage in our wake.)

We left the office and waited for the elevator.  "I'm sorry," DH said.   My already breaking heart shattered.  

We've decided to see an IF specialist to understand all our options moving forward.  The road forward will not be easy.  Unfortunately our insurance doesn't cover IVF.  

The sun sets tonight, with our news sinking in.  My eyes gaze at an empty, starless sky.  I search for a glimmer of hope in the newly vacant universe.  

What about Pluto?  

Pluto isn't a moon, not a star, and no longer a planet.  Tonight I look to the heavens and pray the planetoid remains out in space.  A lone, small, sliver of hope.  

All I have left to wish upon.