I feel like an evil, selfish, terrible person. But I also recognize that I cannot handle the baby shower. I suppose Self Preservation is another form of Selfishness. Right now I have to take care of myself.
We're flying home for a week in August, and planned to hold the shower while I'm home. But I called my mom tonight to tell her she'll have told reschedule it and do it without me. I can't be at the baby shower. I choked back the tears, and told her why.
My mom is the first person IRL who I've told about our diagnosis. She was sympathetic. She told me she understood, and that my sister would too. Luckily invites haven't been sent. Even better, the location we wanted to use isn't available that weekend, so it makes a convenient excuse for me to miss it. I'm not ready to be outed to all of our family and friends, so this cover up makes things easier.
Next Friday we have a consultation with an infertility specialist. We'll find out about our options.
I'm off the hook for the baby shower, but eventually I'll have to face the music and meet my niece (not to mention see my pregnant sister). I'll cross that bridge when I have to.
1 comment:
Don't beat yourself up on not attending the shower. Some days are not meant to spend celebrating someone else's joy. They're just not. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. (((hugs)))
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