Monday, October 27, 2008

My body is screwing with me

My cycle is pretty damn regular.  27 days.  O on CD 11. Spotting for 3 days before FP arrives.
So why this month did the spotting start 5 days early??

After a tiny spotting, I went to RE on Thursday - too early to start the cycle. Call Monday morning to let us know how it's going.

Almost no spotting all weekend. This morning Dr. N told me to again tomorrow - I'll start the cycle when full flow starts.

I know that FP is coming, but the mind fuck of the on-again/off-again spotting is killing me. I event took a pregnancy test this morning - the 2nd I've taken in 17 months of TTC.  Negative. Of Course.

The spotting was heavier today, but that doesn't mean much.  I know that tomorrow it will come.  Still I cling to a hope that maybe it's possible we won't need IVF.

"This is crazy, I have another patient sitting in front of me telling me the same thing," Dr. N told me when I called this morning.  "Do you know how many times this happens to me in a year?  Once - and now I have 2 of you at the same time."  He gave her BCP 'in case she needs it this cycle' - I was given instructions to call tomorrow with an update.

Tonight I'm crampy.  My lower back hurt earlier.  I know FP is on the way.  And yet I know when it arrives I will be crushed.  Again.

Why is this necessary?  I was ready to start IVF.  Ready for FP to get the cycle started.  And now I have hope dangling in front of me and can only brace myself against the crash.

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