Saturday, November 29, 2008

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

After this morning's news about our embabies, I have been in a funk.

The happiness I've felt for several weeks, despite the influx of hormones has cracked.  I am feeling very short tempered and grouchy.  For a minute, I thought it might be the estrogen and progesterone I'm still taking.  But then I realized, that this is the fizzling of Hope.

Hope.  You felt great for a while.  However short-lived you were.  Now the dark clouds are rolling in, and I'm failing to hold them back.

I will allow myself this brief moment of feeling the ache, but only for a short time.  I still have 4 embryos that could hold on, divide and be transferred on Monday or Tuesday.  

A quick cry, and then I've got to snap out of it and focus on hope for the embryos we have left.

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